Dear Emma,
I tried to listen, but not fully, to what everyone said about taking you to school, leaving you at college. I did try to take into account all of the things you would need: extra-long sheets, shower shoes, a television, good towels. I especially wanted to try to make sure that you had some continuity with home: the extra soft sleeping pillow from Julia, all of your usual toiletries and makeup, your fuzzy slippers, your fluffy bathrobe. I did try to listen to the advice about what to pack and what might make you feel as if you had a few home comforts with you.
Your dad and I also tried to listen to you about what might make the saying good-bye to everyone and the long trip up to New York the easiest for us all. Lunch with everyone just before we drove off in the afternoon, I think, worked well. It is extra hard to say good-bye at night and then try to sleep well in order to get up and drive off bright and early the next day. So, good-byes at lunch and the afternoon departure was good.
Your dad and I were most pleased to have the Friday afternoon and Saturday drive just with you. It was peaceful and companionable. We have always liked to have you and Cabell as a captive audience in the car with us for long trips. We don’t under estimate the meals together either. We do joke a lot about how much we like to eat as a family, but we certainly benefit greatly from all of our conversation time together around any sort of meal table; fast food booths, Danview formica, our own cherry kitchen table- all of it is good. Thank you for continuing to educate us about healthy eating even when we’re eating chocolate pie and peach cobbler.
I was really not at all surprised that move-in day went so well. As best as we all can imagine today, Fordham does seem to be an excellent place for you to pursue your intellectual curiosity. Who knows where it will take you? And, it is clearly time for you to move out of your world in Danville and in our home where there are barriers and boundaries everywhere even though your dad and I wish in every way to give you intellectual and personal freedoms. We cannot help it that we struggle to inhibit you. I often think that our subtle and overt admonitions/restrictions come from our overwhelming desire for your safety, but I’m sure that they are also a culmination of our biases and lack of vision. So, out of our sight and out of our home you will for the first time have some personal and intellectual freedoms and we, although frightened, are in favor of that.
Some folks told me that they cried a lot and I think many mothers struggle with a big empty loss when children leave for college. I couldn’t help crying a little as we left, but as long as you could say to me that you were happy, then the crying for me has been very minimal. If you are happy, safe and excited, then your dad and I must be happy, too.
Surely I do miss you every day. We miss your presence, your voice, but I do not wish for you to turn back to this routine. When I see pictures of you or doodle around in you bedroom, I especially miss you and maybe shed a few tears. But, it is our job to help you move forward to your life, not to wish you back here. And, it is our job to move forward to be where you are whenever we can and to enjoy with you your bigger world.
So, we are here today, two days after leaving you at Fordham, with joyful hearts.
Love,
Mom